Up until now I was making some kind of attempt to find inspiration that may lead me towards bigger and better things with my weblog. Up until now I was making some genuine creative effort. Up until now I was trying to find something a person with the moniker of "KungFuPorcupine" might use to assist in the visual aid of their awesomeness.

And then, the train of thought leaving Chicago at 8:35pm travelling at a rate of 55 miles per hour crashed headlong into the train of thought leaving Palm Springs travelling at a rate of 47 miles per hour.

Somewhere around Kentucky I think.

I stumbled across one of Marvel's many bastard brain children (Ooh Marvel, but you are a charming drunk). A disgruntled government employee called Porcupine. I haven't corrected any of the spelling mistakes, as I feel this was a transcription of the original cocktail napkin which gave birth to the original plot outline for Porcupine:

Real Name: Alexander Gentry
Occupation: Professional criminal, former weapons designer for the US goverment
Other Aliases: None
Place Of Birth: Unrevealed
Marital Status: Presumed single
Known Relatives: None
Group Affiliation: Former member of Batroc's Brigade II, Maggia, former partner of Eel I, Scarecrow, Unicorn, former employee of Justin Hammer, Count Nefaria, Cowled Commander, Nebulon
Source Of Powers: None, but wears a battlesuit
Powers: Above normal intelligence (in battlesuit): enchanced strenght and durability, in his battlesuit there are a wide variety of weapons; Razor-Sharp metal quills, laser beams, concussive bombs, small rockets, tear gas, sleeping gas, smoke screens, torch flames, liquid cement and high voltage blasts
Cause Of Death: Falled upon one of his own quills
First Appearance: Tales To Astonish #48
History: Alexander Gentry a weapons designer for the US Army, conceived the idea of designing a battlesuit in imitation of a porcupine.
Gentry spend months working overtime to create the battlesuit. He believed that his invention was worth a fortune, but was let down by everybody.
Angrily, Gentry decided to keep the battlesuit and use it to make himself wealthy through crime.
As Porcupine, Gentry fought alot of superheroes among others Ant-Man, Wasp, X-Men and Captain America (see: Captain America I; Pym, "Hank"; Wasp; X-Men)
After many defeats Gentry decided to quit his life as a supercriminal and once more tried to sell his costume. The only one who would buy it was Captain America, mostly because he thought that if Gentry really wanted to go straight, Captain America would help him.
This porved fatal for Gentry, because Captain America persuaded Gentry to a plan for the purpose of capturing the Serpent Society (see: Serpent Society).
During the fight between Captain America and the Serpent Society, Gentry tried to escape but fell on one of his own quills and died).
After the death of Gentry, the Porcupine battlesuit was sent to the Avengers Mansion.
List Of Appearances:
Tales To Astonish #48 (fought Ant-Man)
Tales To Astonish #53
Fantastic Four Annual 3 (alongside a bunch of super-villains attacked the wedding Of Reed & Sue Richards)
Uncanny X-Men #22-23 (teamed with Count Nefaria, Eel, Plant-Man, Scarecrow and Unicorn fought X-Men)
Captain America Vol.1 #130 (joined Batroc's Brigade II, fought Captain America)
Captain America Vol.1 #158-159 (teamed with Eel I, Scarecrow and Plant-Man simuloid)
Defenders #37-38
Defenders #63-64
Iron Man Vol.1 #127 (as employee of Justin Hammer)
Avengers Vol.1 #167
Captain America Vol.1 #285
Captain America Vol.1 #315 (tired of his criminal ways, tries to sell his battlesuit, fails. Makes a deal with Captain America, to capture Serpent Society, died when he fell on one of his own quills)
Final Appearance: Captain America Vol.1 #315

Fucking. A. Right.

I hate everyone on the internet.

Okay, this is a little hypocritical since you're not exactly reading this via writing in the sky, but I was just minding my own business and ran across some fraction of a sentence about someone who likes to "sink their teeth into a good vampire novel."

Jesus fucking christ. Is this considered clever? I can't shake this out've my head.

"Hi, my name is Onyxvampira mistress of my uncle's basement."

And I enjoy sinking my teeth into a good vampire novel.

FUCK, man. On a scale of Awesome to Suck, people like this generally fall between Michael Eisner and a painful sore on one's naughty bits.

So this brings me to things that don't suck.

www.hurrah.com/~elkinsd/iloveyouimahologram
maddox.xmission.com
www.moderndrunkardmagazine.com
www.seanbaby.com
www.80stees.com
www.homestarrunner.com
www.yesmoke.ch
www.netflix.com


Umm... that's about it. There's some other stuff that's pretty awesome on the internet. It generally involves naked chicks. And there's my page. Which is awesome. But doesn't have any naked chicks. Yet.

Hi.

I have a question.

It'd be silly to clean your floors with baby wipes, right? They'd get dirty every six seconds and you'd have to continually change them out with a new one. Kind've a waste of time and energy, right?

Okay, that's why I'm taking a quick break right now from cleaning on this mother's day to encourage you not to buy a Swiffer wet.

It's retarded.

Basically Proctor & Gamble stole a bunch of handi-wipes from Kentucky Fried Chicken, packaged them along with an easy to use broomstick handle and put the whole package out on the market for $9.95 a piece.

Please. To all the housewives who are being hypnotized during One Life to Live's commercial breaks, don't be a tool of the consumption that's been blindsiding America since the dawn of mass communication. Don't purchase this product. Besides the obvious issues that any type of non reusable cleaning product is probably about as good for our fucked environment as a bag of disposable diapers, there's another reason why something like mopping the floor hasn't changed in hundreds of years.

Y'know, smart people have to mop their floors too, and I doubt they like it any better. You'd think if there was truly a better way to do it, someone like Da Vinci or Thomas fucking Alva Edison would have done it by now. Not Proctor and fucking Gamble.

Let me introduce to you Gary Spivey. I just found out about him by watching the Jerry Springer show. I have a new hair hero (Sorry Jack).

Apparently Gary is a love psychic. And yes, that simply has to be some kind of hair hat that sits garishly upon his head. If there is a God, he never intended anyone to look like an albino brillo pad.

I strongly suggest watching the informative video on his recreational getaway/talk to angels seminars. You'll see that he has, "created an environment where people can come to discuss and learn about spirituality and get in touch with God and their angels, a place where no-one will judge them or tell them what's right or wrong because as much as they learn from me I also continue to learn daily from meditations as well as from each and every person who attends my spiritual retreat, because believe me…I don't have the market cornered on spirituality."

No. You may not have the market cornered on spirituality... but you definately have the market cornered on hair hats.