Ode to eight things I'll never see again because I'm apparently not as good at locking my car as I ought to be

1. To the Game Boy Advance in the glove compartment, whom I never really played. Your shitty screen and it's need for sunlight caused my love to fade.
2. For the rechargable batteries inside that Game Boy, who were as dead as Josef Stalin. You were eco friendly, and barely used. Your loss is quite appalling.
3. Here's to Mario 3, who I'll never see.
4. And to Katie's Jackass: The Movie!
5. Here's to five dollars in change, which is sadly estranged.
6. And the headphones I bought at Sam Goodie.

But the losses most great, are seven and eight. I shall miss them most of all.

Goodbye MP3 player, and your car kit adapter... I think... I may start... to bawl...

Battle of the Nerds.

The following are two user comments taken from Amazon.com item number B0002JJBZY, more commonly known as the first three seasons of the original Star Trek.

Behold the splendor of the nerd in their native environment:

Are you kidding!, August 17, 2004
Reviewer: Mr. T. Herrmann "kingofrockandsoul" (Vernon Hills,IL) - See all my reviews

I love Star Trek. That said, you would have to be nuts to buy this package. $272 for all three seasons! If you buy them individually, they would cost $255! This is based on the $84 for the first season. I have all the episodes on tape. I will probably purchase the dvds for the sound and picture quality. But, I'm not stupid enough to fall for this.

This offensive comment could not be left alone. A champion must rise up and fight for all that is sacred. For the sake of William Shatner's staccato delivery of his lines! For the honor of every seductively clad alien! For the right to boldy fly model spaceships where no man has flown a model spaceship before!

(Note: This is much more entertaining when mentally read in the style of "Comic Book Nerd" from the Simpsons.)

I'd pay for this timeless DVD complete series., November 28, 2004
Reviewer: Biggest YES Fan Ever! "Star Trek Fan" (Frisco, TX USA) - See all my reviews

Unlike T. Hermann below, the "Kingofrockandsoul," I am willing to pay the listed price for the complete series and its "futuristic capsule" packaging. If you're a cheapskate and a penny-pincher (you're probably too destitute to make this purchase anyway, Mr. Hermann), then go elsewhere, perhaps a second-hand record store, and good luck! For a true Star Trek fan like myself (obviously unlike Mr. Hermann below), I think this is a good deal (only approximately $5.00 per episode, each of which will be watched many times). PS-If you're a cheapskate/tightwad, please go somewhere else to complain about your inability to purchase something due to your own destitution. It's nobody's fault but you're own that you can't afford to buy it. Get a life and, better yet, get a better paying job if you can't afford these prices. There are people that CAN afford and ARE willing to buy the things they love, like the complete original Star Trek episodes on DVD, and we don't appreciate reading your negative miserly comments. Thank you, Amazon.com, for offering this wonderful Complete Original Star Trek series on DVD. I've been waiting a long time for this to come out on DVD. Thank you!

No Mr. Biggest YES Fan Ever... thank you.