While looking for new and exciting tattoo ideas, I ran across this little tidbit that you may find interesting:
Last week’s article ended with the question in the Barna Survey that stumped the largest number of respondents. "Is the expression 'God helps those who help themselves' in the Bible?" Only 38% of all Christians correctly stated that the phrase cannot be found anywhere in the Scriptures. Forty-two percent thought that this was a Biblical quotation, and 20% had no idea.
Trying to pinpoint the origin of a statement is a difficult task, but one source indicates that the saying originated in Aesop's Fable of Hercules and the Carter. A man was driving a wagon with a heavy load along a very muddy way when the wheels sank halfway into the mire. The more the horses pulled, the deeper the wheels sank. Finally the man threw down his whip, knelt down and prayed to Hercules, a mythical god, “O Hercules, help me in this my hour of distress." But Hercules appeared to him, and said: “Man, don't sprawl there. Get up and put your shoulder to the wheel. The gods help them that help themselves.”
Apparently, it was Benjamin Franklin who coined the term God helps those who help themselves. If your christian friend starts to get irritating, this may be a helpful tidbit of information.
Sunday
So, I've got a little loot saved up and I'm giving serious consideration towards the idea of purchasing a new bicycle.
But.
As Me 'n' Alicia are going to be moving by the end of the month, the prudent thing would be to continue saving money in order to to have the funds available to fix up the house. Paint, wainscoting.. fixing a doggie door for Stinky.
But.
I want a new bike.
Decisions, decisions.
But.
As Me 'n' Alicia are going to be moving by the end of the month, the prudent thing would be to continue saving money in order to to have the funds available to fix up the house. Paint, wainscoting.. fixing a doggie door for Stinky.
But.
I want a new bike.
Decisions, decisions.
Friday
As you may have noticed, the ol' blog-a-roo is currently under construction. It's something I've been putting off for awhile, and now I've had a little time today to venture forth and create. I'm staying home sick from work today in an effort to avoid going further down the path of sickness. I will be damned if my weekend is ruined by the flu.
Anywho, changes abound on the site. I can't decide on anything that looks right, and have been spending all morning hunched over my monitor trying to decipher various coding languages I never learned. Soon, my monitor may be flung out of the window.
Anywho, changes abound on the site. I can't decide on anything that looks right, and have been spending all morning hunched over my monitor trying to decipher various coding languages I never learned. Soon, my monitor may be flung out of the window.
Sunday
In case you're curious, here's a few pictures of the house me 'n' Alicia are buying. It'll give you some idea of just how much redecorating is going to be needed in order to consider the house livable.
Be warned, I spent two seconds making this web page while having an epileptic seizure, so all the pictures are huge and unsorted. If you're reviewing this information on a 14.4 modem, you may want to consider revisiting the entire Lord of the Rings trilogy.
Be warned, I spent two seconds making this web page while having an epileptic seizure, so all the pictures are huge and unsorted. If you're reviewing this information on a 14.4 modem, you may want to consider revisiting the entire Lord of the Rings trilogy.
Tuesday
Woke up this morning and it seemed to me,
that every night turns out to be
A little more like Bukowski.
And yeah, I know he's a pretty good read.
But God who'd wanna be?
God who'd wanna be such an asshole?
Well, it's been a long weekend that's finally coming to a close. I've managed to be headlong in a half gallon of whiskey for the better part of it, and have become mildly retarded at times. Today I'm laying off the sauce, as I can hear work calling for me to wake up and get ready for school from the edges of my subconscious. Major plans for my last day of memorial vacationing include going to Todai as well as to the new Coldstone off Hawthorne. I haven't been to a Coldstone since I was eighteen or nineteen, and I sincerely hope it's as good as I remember. Everytime I think back on good ice cream, Coldstone drifts to the forefront of my recollections. But the only one that I knew of was out in B.F.-Tanasbourne. Up until recently, wherein they practically open one in my back yard.
Drugs.
Nice segway, eh? Let's talk about drugs, as last nite I was on several of them. The naughty kinds, not Advil Cold and Sinus. Rebecca and Adam came over, bringing with them several kinds of illicit delights for "artistic inspiration". The idea was to attain a state of mind where shiny things are super awesome, and then paint something. Now, unless you count kindergarten, I have never painted. I don't know anything about techniques or brushes, and the only color I can mix is vomit. With that said, I do feel that I painted one item that was kind of bitchin', but it's still in the basement and I haven't checked out anything sober. So, once I get off my butt and take pictures of our paintings, please click on the dancing fatty to see more.
that every night turns out to be
A little more like Bukowski.
And yeah, I know he's a pretty good read.
But God who'd wanna be?
God who'd wanna be such an asshole?
Well, it's been a long weekend that's finally coming to a close. I've managed to be headlong in a half gallon of whiskey for the better part of it, and have become mildly retarded at times. Today I'm laying off the sauce, as I can hear work calling for me to wake up and get ready for school from the edges of my subconscious. Major plans for my last day of memorial vacationing include going to Todai as well as to the new Coldstone off Hawthorne. I haven't been to a Coldstone since I was eighteen or nineteen, and I sincerely hope it's as good as I remember. Everytime I think back on good ice cream, Coldstone drifts to the forefront of my recollections. But the only one that I knew of was out in B.F.-Tanasbourne. Up until recently, wherein they practically open one in my back yard.
Drugs.
Nice segway, eh? Let's talk about drugs, as last nite I was on several of them. The naughty kinds, not Advil Cold and Sinus. Rebecca and Adam came over, bringing with them several kinds of illicit delights for "artistic inspiration". The idea was to attain a state of mind where shiny things are super awesome, and then paint something. Now, unless you count kindergarten, I have never painted. I don't know anything about techniques or brushes, and the only color I can mix is vomit. With that said, I do feel that I painted one item that was kind of bitchin', but it's still in the basement and I haven't checked out anything sober. So, once I get off my butt and take pictures of our paintings, please click on the dancing fatty to see more.
Saturday
Up until now I was making some kind of attempt to find inspiration that may lead me towards bigger and better things with my weblog. Up until now I was making some genuine creative effort. Up until now I was trying to find something a person with the moniker of "KungFuPorcupine" might use to assist in the visual aid of their awesomeness.
And then, the train of thought leaving Chicago at 8:35pm travelling at a rate of 55 miles per hour crashed headlong into the train of thought leaving Palm Springs travelling at a rate of 47 miles per hour.
Somewhere around Kentucky I think.
I stumbled across one of Marvel's many bastard brain children (Ooh Marvel, but you are a charming drunk). A disgruntled government employee called Porcupine. I haven't corrected any of the spelling mistakes, as I feel this was a transcription of the original cocktail napkin which gave birth to the original plot outline for Porcupine:
Real Name: Alexander Gentry
Occupation: Professional criminal, former weapons designer for the US goverment
Other Aliases: None
Place Of Birth: Unrevealed
Marital Status: Presumed single
Known Relatives: None
Group Affiliation: Former member of Batroc's Brigade II, Maggia, former partner of Eel I, Scarecrow, Unicorn, former employee of Justin Hammer, Count Nefaria, Cowled Commander, Nebulon
Source Of Powers: None, but wears a battlesuit
Powers: Above normal intelligence (in battlesuit): enchanced strenght and durability, in his battlesuit there are a wide variety of weapons; Razor-Sharp metal quills, laser beams, concussive bombs, small rockets, tear gas, sleeping gas, smoke screens, torch flames, liquid cement and high voltage blasts
Cause Of Death: Falled upon one of his own quills
First Appearance: Tales To Astonish #48
History: Alexander Gentry a weapons designer for the US Army, conceived the idea of designing a battlesuit in imitation of a porcupine.
Gentry spend months working overtime to create the battlesuit. He believed that his invention was worth a fortune, but was let down by everybody.
Angrily, Gentry decided to keep the battlesuit and use it to make himself wealthy through crime.
As Porcupine, Gentry fought alot of superheroes among others Ant-Man, Wasp, X-Men and Captain America (see: Captain America I; Pym, "Hank"; Wasp; X-Men)
After many defeats Gentry decided to quit his life as a supercriminal and once more tried to sell his costume. The only one who would buy it was Captain America, mostly because he thought that if Gentry really wanted to go straight, Captain America would help him.
This porved fatal for Gentry, because Captain America persuaded Gentry to a plan for the purpose of capturing the Serpent Society (see: Serpent Society).
During the fight between Captain America and the Serpent Society, Gentry tried to escape but fell on one of his own quills and died).
After the death of Gentry, the Porcupine battlesuit was sent to the Avengers Mansion.
List Of Appearances:
Tales To Astonish #48 (fought Ant-Man)
Tales To Astonish #53
Fantastic Four Annual 3 (alongside a bunch of super-villains attacked the wedding Of Reed & Sue Richards)
Uncanny X-Men #22-23 (teamed with Count Nefaria, Eel, Plant-Man, Scarecrow and Unicorn fought X-Men)
Captain America Vol.1 #130 (joined Batroc's Brigade II, fought Captain America)
Captain America Vol.1 #158-159 (teamed with Eel I, Scarecrow and Plant-Man simuloid)
Defenders #37-38
Defenders #63-64
Iron Man Vol.1 #127 (as employee of Justin Hammer)
Avengers Vol.1 #167
Captain America Vol.1 #285
Captain America Vol.1 #315 (tired of his criminal ways, tries to sell his battlesuit, fails. Makes a deal with Captain America, to capture Serpent Society, died when he fell on one of his own quills)
Final Appearance: Captain America Vol.1 #315
Thursday
I hate everyone on the internet.
Okay, this is a little hypocritical since you're not exactly reading this via writing in the sky, but I was just minding my own business and ran across some fraction of a sentence about someone who likes to "sink their teeth into a good vampire novel."
Jesus fucking christ. Is this considered clever? I can't shake this out've my head.
"Hi, my name is Onyxvampira mistress of my uncle's basement."
And I enjoy sinking my teeth into a good vampire novel.
FUCK, man. On a scale of Awesome to Suck, people like this generally fall between Michael Eisner and a painful sore on one's naughty bits.
So this brings me to things that don't suck.
www.hurrah.com/~elkinsd/iloveyouimahologram
maddox.xmission.com
www.moderndrunkardmagazine.com
www.seanbaby.com
www.80stees.com
www.homestarrunner.com
www.yesmoke.ch
www.netflix.com
Umm... that's about it. There's some other stuff that's pretty awesome on the internet. It generally involves naked chicks. And there's my page. Which is awesome. But doesn't have any naked chicks. Yet.
Okay, this is a little hypocritical since you're not exactly reading this via writing in the sky, but I was just minding my own business and ran across some fraction of a sentence about someone who likes to "sink their teeth into a good vampire novel."
Jesus fucking christ. Is this considered clever? I can't shake this out've my head.
"Hi, my name is Onyxvampira mistress of my uncle's basement."
And I enjoy sinking my teeth into a good vampire novel.
FUCK, man. On a scale of Awesome to Suck, people like this generally fall between Michael Eisner and a painful sore on one's naughty bits.
So this brings me to things that don't suck.
www.hurrah.com/~elkinsd/iloveyouimahologram
maddox.xmission.com
www.moderndrunkardmagazine.com
www.seanbaby.com
www.80stees.com
www.homestarrunner.com
www.yesmoke.ch
www.netflix.com
Umm... that's about it. There's some other stuff that's pretty awesome on the internet. It generally involves naked chicks. And there's my page. Which is awesome. But doesn't have any naked chicks. Yet.
Sunday
Hi.
I have a question.
It'd be silly to clean your floors with baby wipes, right? They'd get dirty every six seconds and you'd have to continually change them out with a new one. Kind've a waste of time and energy, right?
Okay, that's why I'm taking a quick break right now from cleaning on this mother's day to encourage you not to buy a Swiffer wet.
It's retarded.
Basically Proctor & Gamble stole a bunch of handi-wipes from Kentucky Fried Chicken, packaged them along with an easy to use broomstick handle and put the whole package out on the market for $9.95 a piece.
Please. To all the housewives who are being hypnotized during One Life to Live's commercial breaks, don't be a tool of the consumption that's been blindsiding America since the dawn of mass communication. Don't purchase this product. Besides the obvious issues that any type of non reusable cleaning product is probably about as good for our fucked environment as a bag of disposable diapers, there's another reason why something like mopping the floor hasn't changed in hundreds of years.
Y'know, smart people have to mop their floors too, and I doubt they like it any better. You'd think if there was truly a better way to do it, someone like Da Vinci or Thomas fucking Alva Edison would have done it by now. Not Proctor and fucking Gamble.
I have a question.
It'd be silly to clean your floors with baby wipes, right? They'd get dirty every six seconds and you'd have to continually change them out with a new one. Kind've a waste of time and energy, right?
Okay, that's why I'm taking a quick break right now from cleaning on this mother's day to encourage you not to buy a Swiffer wet.
It's retarded.
Basically Proctor & Gamble stole a bunch of handi-wipes from Kentucky Fried Chicken, packaged them along with an easy to use broomstick handle and put the whole package out on the market for $9.95 a piece.
Please. To all the housewives who are being hypnotized during One Life to Live's commercial breaks, don't be a tool of the consumption that's been blindsiding America since the dawn of mass communication. Don't purchase this product. Besides the obvious issues that any type of non reusable cleaning product is probably about as good for our fucked environment as a bag of disposable diapers, there's another reason why something like mopping the floor hasn't changed in hundreds of years.
Y'know, smart people have to mop their floors too, and I doubt they like it any better. You'd think if there was truly a better way to do it, someone like Da Vinci or Thomas fucking Alva Edison would have done it by now. Not Proctor and fucking Gamble.
Tuesday
Let me introduce to you Gary Spivey. I just found out about him by watching the Jerry Springer show. I have a new hair hero (Sorry Jack).
Apparently Gary is a love psychic. And yes, that simply has to be some kind of hair hat that sits garishly upon his head. If there is a God, he never intended anyone to look like an albino brillo pad.
I strongly suggest watching the informative video on his recreational getaway/talk to angels seminars. You'll see that he has, "created an environment where people can come to discuss and learn about spirituality and get in touch with God and their angels, a place where no-one will judge them or tell them what's right or wrong because as much as they learn from me I also continue to learn daily from meditations as well as from each and every person who attends my spiritual retreat, because believe me…I don't have the market cornered on spirituality."
No. You may not have the market cornered on spirituality... but you definately have the market cornered on hair hats.
Saturday
Monday
::Listening to Nancy Sinatra::
"I updated my blog today..
I typed a lot with little to say..
Bang. Bang.
I wanted a Coke..
Bang. Bang.
I stubbed my toe..
Bang. Bang."
Okay, so I check my Blog religiously (Mmmm... maybe as religiously as a struggling Catholic.. about once every month, and only when I think there's something in it for me) to see if there's been a random comment or whatnot. Y'know, peek in just to make sure all the dustbunnies have happily gone forth to multiply the lands. Generally I have no ambition to post. This is partially due to the fact that my image server had apparently gone tits up, and I'm much too lazy to attempt to find a new one.
For some unexplainable reason this is not the case anymore.
Today I make my monthly spot check only to find that the pictures I had so lovingly placed ages ago had somehow magically reappeared.
As if by Satan.
And if Satan put 'em there, it's gotta be time for me to jump back in the saddle, right? I mean seriously, we're talking about Satan here. Whose going to argue with Satan? Not me! That's for damn sure!
So, over the next few days, I think I'll make an effort to update this blog. Mainly to give those who might still have it bookmarked a reason to feel good about their hopeless lives as a useless packrat.
"I updated my blog today..
I typed a lot with little to say..
Bang. Bang.
I wanted a Coke..
Bang. Bang.
I stubbed my toe..
Bang. Bang."
Okay, so I check my Blog religiously (Mmmm... maybe as religiously as a struggling Catholic.. about once every month, and only when I think there's something in it for me) to see if there's been a random comment or whatnot. Y'know, peek in just to make sure all the dustbunnies have happily gone forth to multiply the lands. Generally I have no ambition to post. This is partially due to the fact that my image server had apparently gone tits up, and I'm much too lazy to attempt to find a new one.
For some unexplainable reason this is not the case anymore.
Today I make my monthly spot check only to find that the pictures I had so lovingly placed ages ago had somehow magically reappeared.
As if by Satan.
And if Satan put 'em there, it's gotta be time for me to jump back in the saddle, right? I mean seriously, we're talking about Satan here. Whose going to argue with Satan? Not me! That's for damn sure!
So, over the next few days, I think I'll make an effort to update this blog. Mainly to give those who might still have it bookmarked a reason to feel good about their hopeless lives as a useless packrat.
Friday
Well, I finally sent a nasty letter to that guy who's dicking me out've a fine velvet painting. Just thought I'd share with the rest of the group my "Collection Letter".
Augustus -
You have three days from today's date to reply to this email.
If a response is not made, I will be taking actions via Paypal's Buyer Complaint form and eBay.
What this means to you:
$10.00 Chargeback fee.
The closing of your Paypal and eBay account.
The resolution for this is simple, you may contact me on or before 12/23/02 via email and supply the following information:
* An agreement to electronically refund the amount paid.
* A USPS tracking number verifying the item has been sent.
* An agreement to send the item, if not yet sent, and a USPS tracking number to verify the date, destination, and delivery status.
Thank you,
- David Biastock
I dunno, I was pretty proud of it. Hopefully this butthead will mail it before I have to drive to San Jose to pick it up myself.
Augustus -
You have three days from today's date to reply to this email.
If a response is not made, I will be taking actions via Paypal's Buyer Complaint form and eBay.
What this means to you:
$10.00 Chargeback fee.
The closing of your Paypal and eBay account.
The resolution for this is simple, you may contact me on or before 12/23/02 via email and supply the following information:
* An agreement to electronically refund the amount paid.
* A USPS tracking number verifying the item has been sent.
* An agreement to send the item, if not yet sent, and a USPS tracking number to verify the date, destination, and delivery status.
Thank you,
- David Biastock
I dunno, I was pretty proud of it. Hopefully this butthead will mail it before I have to drive to San Jose to pick it up myself.
Sunday
Oooh, goodbye sweet Shizzolate... hello Miguel translator! Yes kids, that's right, now everything I say can sound like Miguel! Creative genius behind Fat Chicks In Party Hats.
Monday
ARGH... you guys. I'm sorry for the lack of updates, but I've been so friggin' insipid lately that I don't feel I ought to waste anyone's time writing about it. I believe that my lack of shenanigans and those who inspire me to do so have caused me to become muddled and uncreative.
I think I wanna have fun without getting drunk. (Man, I can only imagine the synchronized double take this statement has made to anyone whose reading this.)
I'm mildly excited about Christmas in the giddy - starry eyed way, but with it comes a vague sense of guilt and anxiety.
Guilt because the only family member that I give two rats about is my Mom, and honestly if I don't hear from her until my thirty second birthday, I'd be pretty cool with that.
Anxiety because... well, I need to buy a bunch've crap this weekend and am now realizing that I don't really know anyone that well anymore and it's weighing heavier than I'd like it to. Imagine the house you grew up in was bought by someone else who left the outside exactly the same, but redecorated the hell out've the inside. For some reason this is how I feel about my friends and loved ones right now.
But let's move on to good things..
Yesterday was good. Alicia and I went Christmas tree shopping. I'll be goddamned, but I had no idea that a Christmas tree shorter than me would be sixty five dollars. Instead of picking one up we headed on back home and invited Donnie and his lady-friend over for mulled wine and gingersnap cookies.
Saturday was good. Visited with Wade and had sushi. Yes, that's right Wade, I'm coming clean and I'm coming clean right now. Alicia, me 'n' Wade didn't have India Oven for lunch... we had Todai's. It's been weighing heavily on my soul and I thought you should know the truth.
It was good and I have no regrets.
Plus it was completely Wade's idea.
In other news, I have won a mild victory. Due to my seniority, I managed to win my shift bid at work. I will not be moved from my current schedule, but shall remain working Monday thru Fridays from Noon until Nine. My ability to oversleep shall not be hindered.
I also fear I have lost a minor scurmish. One of my eBay paintings has yet to arrive. I feel that I've been dicked out've sixty odd dollars without the complimentary dallop of lubricant. Anyone have a suggestion for cruel and unusual punishment befitting for such crimes?
I think I wanna have fun without getting drunk. (Man, I can only imagine the synchronized double take this statement has made to anyone whose reading this.)
I'm mildly excited about Christmas in the giddy - starry eyed way, but with it comes a vague sense of guilt and anxiety.
Guilt because the only family member that I give two rats about is my Mom, and honestly if I don't hear from her until my thirty second birthday, I'd be pretty cool with that.
Anxiety because... well, I need to buy a bunch've crap this weekend and am now realizing that I don't really know anyone that well anymore and it's weighing heavier than I'd like it to. Imagine the house you grew up in was bought by someone else who left the outside exactly the same, but redecorated the hell out've the inside. For some reason this is how I feel about my friends and loved ones right now.
But let's move on to good things..
Yesterday was good. Alicia and I went Christmas tree shopping. I'll be goddamned, but I had no idea that a Christmas tree shorter than me would be sixty five dollars. Instead of picking one up we headed on back home and invited Donnie and his lady-friend over for mulled wine and gingersnap cookies.
Saturday was good. Visited with Wade and had sushi. Yes, that's right Wade, I'm coming clean and I'm coming clean right now. Alicia, me 'n' Wade didn't have India Oven for lunch... we had Todai's. It's been weighing heavily on my soul and I thought you should know the truth.
It was good and I have no regrets.
Plus it was completely Wade's idea.
In other news, I have won a mild victory. Due to my seniority, I managed to win my shift bid at work. I will not be moved from my current schedule, but shall remain working Monday thru Fridays from Noon until Nine. My ability to oversleep shall not be hindered.
I also fear I have lost a minor scurmish. One of my eBay paintings has yet to arrive. I feel that I've been dicked out've sixty odd dollars without the complimentary dallop of lubricant. Anyone have a suggestion for cruel and unusual punishment befitting for such crimes?
Wednesday
Hey kids!
Thanks to my good friend Joshua, I've added the coolest most awesome feature to my Blog. If I may kindly direct your attention to the link over on the left hand side of your screen, you will now notice the Shizzolate! option. Basically, I have added this feature for your benefit. Whenever you find a post of mine boring, shizzolate that shit!
You may not have known this, but Snoop Dogg works tirelessly twenty four hour a day personally reading and then re-editing web pages. He's actually capable of typing 1,945 words a minute and he has eight arms with fifteen fingers on each hand.
Thanks to my good friend Joshua, I've added the coolest most awesome feature to my Blog. If I may kindly direct your attention to the link over on the left hand side of your screen, you will now notice the Shizzolate! option. Basically, I have added this feature for your benefit. Whenever you find a post of mine boring, shizzolate that shit!
You may not have known this, but Snoop Dogg works tirelessly twenty four hour a day personally reading and then re-editing web pages. He's actually capable of typing 1,945 words a minute and he has eight arms with fifteen fingers on each hand.
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